Thursday, June 25, 2020


I miss it
The meaningful embraces
When everything you want
Is in your arms and you are swallowed up
And to be right exactly there is all you need
And you don't want to let go first
To be lying in bed
You reach out and someone is asleep beside you.
And it's them
The one
Reciprocating with the same love
Matching your intensity
The chemistry
A little squeeze of the hand you're holding
To show they are present and with you.

That's close.

I miss it
Not just the physical type
but emotional like 
How feeling safe or wanted might
To turn during triumph
And they are there
See a face and be safe
To never be alone
To speak and know you've been heard
To share deeply and be vulnerable overtly
Without worry of judgement

That's close.

I miss it
And every day it is farther away
From my last memory of what it was like
Time passes nothing has changed
Now with loneliness, pain.
You can fake passion
There's always lust
They are never enough
You can't be intimate without trust
I don't have that in any way
With anyone
I am not


Gambling Man

I wrote her a letter. Told her my whole soul.
Went "All-In" when it was time to fold.
This wasn't a bluff. Fortune favors the bold.

.  .  . 

No reply for months at a time.
Snake eyes with a roll of the dice.
The House won. That's no surprise.


I waited a season or two
Thinking it would fade away
A sunset on a rainy day
Melting down in shades of gray
But the seasons changed
And the thoughts remained
And I can't explain
How she constantly
Fills, maintains, consumes
So many spots in my brain
She bursts in
Morning sunbeams
Cat nap day dreams
Babies smiling at me types of things
But while I wish
While I hope
I know that it's all purely smoke
Because I don't cross her mind
Ever. Seriously. Not a joke.
So my reality is disparity
Between her and me
Just enmity
It's making me unbearably disparaging
Anything but clarity